For example, a person who has weight challenges will often be caught in a cycle of self-sabotage linked to their feelings of low self-worth (slave mentality). Any fear based on low self-worth is underpinned by a fear of not being good enough.
Another person may choose to stay in a relationship long past its resourceful state because that person doesn’t want to be alone. A fear of being alone or a fear of loneliness is always connected, without fail, to the fears of not being loved and not belonging.
The emotional and physical impact of long-term vulnerability is an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. Ongoing helplessness will eventually lead you to fear, fear of not being loved/not being good enough and these fears will ultimately lead you to depression and even disease.
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one." ~ Elbert Green Hubbard
So why don’t we just change the story? Because our desire for certainty and significance overrides everything without exception! We are constantly looking for safety from our fears, and looking good as we try to get it right!There is no certainty, even in mother-nature, so why do we expend so much energy trying to achieve certainty in our lives? Many people fear taking action because of how they may look to other people. But trust me when I say that you wouldn’t worry so much about what other people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did!
There is always a secondary gain (pay-off) for inaction – safety and avoidance of responsibility! As humans we do much more to avoid pain than we do to feel pleasure. We would rather be ruined than changed! Letting go of our fear only happens when the perceived pain around keeping it is greater than the pain associated with change.
Our learned resistance to change comes from many things. It could be a wish to stay in one’s comfort zone, to escape pain from past loss, or it could be about the investment in time and history embedded in current behavior and emotions linked to past events. Unless your motivation to change is irresistible, why would you do it?
And that’s the secret. Make the pain of remaining safe so great and create an irresistibly, compelling and pleasurable reason to change so that change becomes the ONLY vehicle to success! A motive that is so attractive you are unable to resist it. An attraction so strong you are forced to do or be something different, that once you experience the change you will be in a state of utter enjoyment!
So let’s look at your greatest fear again, in more detail:
¥ What is this fear costing you right now?
¥ What has this fear cost you in the past?
¥ What is this fear costing those around you whom you love?
¥ What positive experiences are you getting from staying safe? How are you benefiting from this fear?
¥ What will happen if you keep holding onto this fear?
¥ What will it cost you in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years time?
¥ What are you missing out on, not experiencing, sacrificing, settling for holding onto this fear?
To be cont...
