Adolescent Whirlpool (Poem by me, aged 15)
I stood and watched a war last night
between heaven and hell.
It was behind a closed door
and I waited outside
encased in a blanket of shame.
It wove an intricate pattern around the door with my tears.
I disgorged a scream but it was choked and stabbed until it fell to the floor and bit at my feet.
A thousand years of pain ruptured through my soul until I too, crumbled to the floor and lay trembling with convulvions.
I looked up and was struck between the eyes by a frozen heart.
I smiled
the door opened
and a thin stream of blood trickled from it’s hinges.
Growing up with a mother strangled by guilt and self loathing caused me to believe I was not worthy of love, I carried her guilt with me everyday and lived 38 years thinking I was never good enough. You see what mother's fail to realise is, when they perceive a life of guilt or shame, rejection or loss, fear or pain they project those emotions and beliefs onto the people they love the most, their children. Innocence is lost in a moment of self doubt and years may be wasted on self sabtage as a result.NO MORE I SAY!!!
You are too precious and your children deserve more. By replacing my judgement with forgiveness, letting go of my mother's guilt and learning how to love my authentic self, I now believe I am enough and you can too x
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