According to Sharon Pearson in Your Success ®Ten Secrets to An Extraordinary life 2005, many people live their lives saying they’ll take a step forward when they’re not so scared, have more confidence, more choices, more energy, more time or more money. Then they find they never take the step because the fear never fades, their confidence never goes up (it even goes down), the choices don’t present themselves, their energy depletes even further, time slips away and the money never comes. These incessant fears keep us from skipping, jumping in puddles, stubbing our toes…LIVING!
Our fears are always the same:
- Fear of not being loved – rejection; vulnerability; powerlessness
- Fear of not being good enough – success; failure; being found out
- Fear of not belonging – abandonment; loneliness; change
I know because this was ME. I had an overworked husband working remotely, two young children craving my attention, my own full-time corporate career and a tendency to take on more and more, always putting others first, and feeling guilty about not getting everything done. I spent my days feeling like I was letting myself down and wasn’t following my heart because I wasn’t doing all the things I said I would do by this stage in my life. I constantly listened to my little mini me voices in my head reinforcing my self-limiting beliefs about my lack of success, my body was not at its best, I hated being apart from my loved ones and I had an overwhelming feeling that my life was going by too fast and I’d lost control.
All the while craving and wishing I had more time and money to spend on the things I really value and love - my husband, my beautiful daughters, my family, my girlfriends, my freedom, my health, my fitness, my happiness, travelling, helping others, good food, a great bottle of wine, music, laughter, fun, walking on the beach, down-time, silence, sleep and an authentic feeling of being needed, valued and good enough.
What could I do to stop myself from falling apart? I certainly didn’t want to get through another year, 3 years, 5 years or 10 years thinking, if only. I knew I could either sink or swim because I have been there before and done them both, while trying to ‘do it all’. This time I decided to FLY! Looking back it was easy really. Or should I say it was easy once I knew where I wanted to go. In fact, for me it was more about realising what I didn’t want and recognising that my life was so out of balance that I was heading for a personal breakdown so I knew that the only way forward was to act big and act fast.
You see, courage is the mastery of fear and the motivation to take action in the face of it. In fact, you can’t learn courage unless you act. This is the ultimate paradox. I needed to do the thing that scared me most to realize and trust I had the courage and resources within me to achieve great things and you can too.
Wishing your life is easier is a waste of time, you have to believe you can be better!
